Here I am lying in my bed and feeding my new addiction Twin Peaks. I've been watching it in my bed all day. I only went outside to get 'dinner' which were actually snacks.
I can imagine that for the people who know me personally this may sound quite worrisome, like I am depressed.
This is not the case.
I've been in bed all day really enjoying my self watching this series and eating bad food, alone. Just being hungover and lazy.
I realized that my day in bed today is not like the other days in bed when I was at my lowest, not at all. And I think I can finally say I am happy with myself and the friends that I have and that I don' t need a relationship or a certain attention from men to be happy.
It has been four months Boris and I had our final break up, four months single. I must admit I had a distraction that was boy shaped, and that was just a little bit too much to take.
I think I had to put that aside to come to this point. To be more focused on myself and be ok with the fact to be on my own.
My first reaction when people want to leave my life is to try to make them stay, at the end this never works.
Now I think that maybe those people are not meant to be in your life or do not deserve this and that I shouldn't be so sad about them leaving. Like my best friend when I was 15, like my Boris, like my dad...
Yesterday I had a really good night out. First with my colleagues, then my best friend's birthday. It was a fun, drama free, DRUNK but not too drunk night. Not unimportant to mention is that I looked good and I felt even better. I felt pretty and sexy and confident.
So bottom line here is that I think my weeping days are over for a while....FINALLY!
Time for fun times like CHRISTMAS (haterzgonnahate)
I just wanted to do a week round up kind of think but I want to start with saying that I was in a WEIRD mood all week. I think everybody around me certainly noticed that.
I was in a funk. I tried really to get out of it and think about the shit I wrote myself last week (bout positive thinking and all), and then it worked for like half a day and then I was back in it again. The godamn funk.
Sometimes I just have to accept that I am young and can not have everything planned out yet or know everything or have things the way I want it (hehe).
I kind of have to learn to let go of things and to be not so aware of my emotions all the time, that shit is annoying as fuck.
That being said, I still did a lot of fun things this week. Mostly because I saw every good acquaintance to very good friend that I have. Maybe not ALL of them but I hung out with a lot of people, and of course that always involves a lot of beer.
Wednesday I went with my friend Franti to a jazz gig, she had to go there for school and I had nothing to do, as always.
It was actually really nice jazz music, not the freaky kind and not the boring kind. I also enjoyed just hanging out with Franti, I even got her into the Doos (a crappy cheap place where I drink beer during the week) afterwards.
Thursday I went out with Indi and Layla, the complete Ultimate White Girl formation BUT I was suffering from the funk so I ended up blabbering about my feelings all night, especially to Layla but that's just the downside of being someone' s best friend hahah. Still was a fun night though.
And Saturday I totally made up for it. Saturday was crazy, late, drunk and a whole lot of fun.
My other best friend Lieselot, who lives in Belgium was in town. Boys and life got us down again in the time spent apart so we had to drink.
Lieselot her brother plays in a band the Breaking Levees and they were playing so we started of there. It was really good, I had only see them play at their first gig and that was about a year ago so this ways 10 times better.
Right after the gig was the moment I snapped out of my weirdness I think.
Everybody wanted to go to Pacific Parc that night. I love that place but it was obviously off limits for me because I was nicely (aghum) asked not to go there by a certain bald person, THE EX.
Then I had this great moment/feeling which is best described with the words FUCK THIS.
So we went and had a great classic pacific night and he wasn' t there (I even heard a rumour that he got fired). Lieselot was there with me, Gini, Indi, Sophie and we were dancing and that was all I could ask for, it was just lovely.
(Photobombed for the first time! wtf..)
The headache was less lovely and got home around 7 in the morning so I spent all day on the couch. Sleeping, eating, sleeping and eating SUSHI for dinner HA!
Then I like to add that I may have found a place to live! Tomorrow I have a final viewing but if that' s all fine I could be moving in this week!!!!
I'm still not sure if it's a hoax or not (I hope not) but if it really is true; Thank you Lou Reed for the great music you made!
When it comes to positive thinking I' m always in denial, but the more I' ve been proven wrong the more I start to believe in it.
I absolutely don' t believe that it solves all your problems, the problems are still there but they may be easier to handle.
Anyways, I felt crappy for a while and then last week I decided this week is going to be different and that I was join to have a good week, and it worked!
Work was good, actually had nice conversations with customers again. Actually ended up not going to the burlesque show because I was working til 10 and I didn't even care.
I went to the gym, ate healthy and a really important elementen that made this week great is that I looked FAB all week.
With looking fab I mean having my hair done, loads of make up and a nice outfit that had more thought behind it then 'fuck I need to go outside and I need to wear clothes'.
In the planning for this week: An even better one than last week!
More hair, more make up, more gym, more time with my friends, 1 birthday and I hope definitly more dancing and partying! Because I totally let the whole Amsterdam Dance Event pass, well whatever I'll have my own!