Tuesday 31 July 2012
Sunday 29 July 2012
Summertime Sadness
Going through a hard time. Again.
It seems like hard times are paused by a sort of good time my whole life thru. Like the weekend in a week. Still there are 7 days in a week and 2 of them are weekend.
One big problem is caused by myself but I don' t really know how to solve it. That is that I loose and break all my stuff (ID card that I just got and stolen telephone), I forget things I have to do and never clean my house. Together this is my one big problem; Chaos in my head.
Then another very very very big problem is that I have no place to live. In September I have to leave my house and I have nowhere to go. I figured I' m not going to find anything within a month so I' m going to leave this week so I don' t have to pay my rent over August.
So that' s a lot to think about all the time and then on top of it I' m fighting constantly with Boris. When we fight and he says he never wants to see me again my brain crashes. I brake things and harm him and I hate myself for doing that. I ripped his jacket I gave to him as a birthday present.
It seems like every summer I just get terribly depressed and i don' t even know why. I just want to live in a nice small appartement that I can decorate myself and live with Boris.
I want it to be neat and I will have a set place for everything so I can't loose anything.
I also want to fall asleep next to Boris every night after I have cooked for him and don' t fight anymore.
But life's a fucking bitch isn't she?
It seems like hard times are paused by a sort of good time my whole life thru. Like the weekend in a week. Still there are 7 days in a week and 2 of them are weekend.
One big problem is caused by myself but I don' t really know how to solve it. That is that I loose and break all my stuff (ID card that I just got and stolen telephone), I forget things I have to do and never clean my house. Together this is my one big problem; Chaos in my head.
Then another very very very big problem is that I have no place to live. In September I have to leave my house and I have nowhere to go. I figured I' m not going to find anything within a month so I' m going to leave this week so I don' t have to pay my rent over August.
So that' s a lot to think about all the time and then on top of it I' m fighting constantly with Boris. When we fight and he says he never wants to see me again my brain crashes. I brake things and harm him and I hate myself for doing that. I ripped his jacket I gave to him as a birthday present.
It seems like every summer I just get terribly depressed and i don' t even know why. I just want to live in a nice small appartement that I can decorate myself and live with Boris.
I want it to be neat and I will have a set place for everything so I can't loose anything.
I also want to fall asleep next to Boris every night after I have cooked for him and don' t fight anymore.
But life's a fucking bitch isn't she?
Sunday 15 July 2012
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