THESE ARE NOT NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

I had moments before that I did this, that I was really focused, calm and strong, but I guess I am easily distracted...

I just wanted to say to you, and mostly to myself that I want 2015 all to be about hard work, inner peace (???haha) structure and feeling good about myself. And make that last for the rest of my life!
Big goals, not easily achieved but that' s the way I do things.
Also there a lot of small things I can do to get me pretty far in this.

Some of you may not know the person who wrote this but hey, it's never too late to change or make an effort. Out with the old, in with the new, that kind of stuff.

The last thing I want to say is;

YOU ARE THE GREATEST PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET, EVER!

Just throwing some happiness in your face! Again...

It' s Wednesday and I' m sitting on the balcony, in the sun, in march, in Holland for god sake. It had been extremely good weather this week and it makes me very excited for my birthday for some reason, also because it' s only a month away.

I think it' s safe to say I' m having an awful lot of fun all the time.
I've been to Antwerp, Sleazefest was a ball, dancing at Bottoms Up, work is fun,  taking baths, having dinner with my mom, chillin' in the park and thanks to my employer I have been staying in a really nice house (which is his) this week watching the cutest three legged cat in the world!

My constant feeling of loneliness caused by not having a partner/lover is slowly disappearing, something I thought would never come. Despite a very strange phone call from my ex...

I am very excited for the future and strangely optimistic about it haha!

Here are some pictures from all the fun stuff I did lately.

Now I have to drag myself to the gym because me having a good time equals beer (and a healthy appetite of course) equals weight.

BYE

4 Months

Here I am lying in my bed and feeding my new addiction Twin Peaks. I've been watching it in my bed all day. I only went outside to get 'dinner' which were actually snacks.

I can imagine that for the people who know me personally this may sound quite worrisome, like I am depressed.

This is not the case.

I've been in bed all day really enjoying my self watching this series and eating bad food, alone. Just being hungover and lazy.

I realized that my day in bed today is not like the other days in bed when I was at my lowest, not at all. And I think I can finally say I am happy with myself and the friends that I have and that I don' t need a relationship or a certain attention from men to be happy.

It has been four months Boris and I had our final break up, four months single. I must admit I had a distraction that was boy shaped, and that was just a little bit too much to take. 

I think I had to put that aside to come to this point. To be more focused on myself and be ok with the fact to be on my own.

My first reaction when people want to leave my life is to try to make them stay, at the end this never works.

Now I think that maybe those people are not meant to be in your life or do not deserve this and that I shouldn't be so sad about them leaving. Like my best friend when I was 15, like my Boris, like my dad...

Yesterday I had a really good night out. First with my colleagues, then my best friend's birthday. It was a fun, drama free, DRUNK but not too drunk night. Not unimportant to mention is that I looked good and I felt even better. I felt pretty and sexy and confident.

So bottom line here is that I think my weeping days are over for a while....FINALLY! 

Time for fun times like CHRISTMAS (haterzgonnahate)

Positive thinking?!

When it comes to positive thinking I' m always in denial, but the more I' ve been proven wrong the more I start to believe in it.

I absolutely don' t believe that it solves all your problems, the problems are still there but they may be easier to handle.

Anyways, I felt crappy for a while and then last week I decided this week is going to be different and that I was join to have a good week, and it worked!

Work was good, actually had nice conversations with customers again. Actually ended up not going to the burlesque show because I was working til 10 and I didn't even care.

I went to the gym, ate healthy and a really important elementen that made this week great  is that I looked FAB all week. 

With looking fab I mean having my hair done, loads of make up and a nice outfit that had more thought behind it then 'fuck I need to go outside and I need to wear clothes'.

In the planning for this week: An even better one than last week!

More hair, more make up, more gym, more time with my friends, 1 birthday and  I hope definitly more dancing and partying! Because I totally let the whole Amsterdam Dance Event pass, well whatever I'll have my own!

Goodnight and have a great week! 

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